Saturday, August 25, 2012

Sooo, where am I again?

I have been back in the U.S. for almost 2 months, and to say the least things are craaaazy different.

When I first landed at Sea-Tac Airport and for the few days that followed before going off to summer camp, I thought I was totally fine. Granted I was jet-lagged and exhausted the entire time, but getting to be with my family and see some friends made me think that the adjustment back into American life wouldn't be so difficult.

I'd been going to this summer camp since I was a little kid, and the friends that I've made there are some of my favorite people in the world. It was a place for me where I always knew that I had someone on my side. But being at that camp was when I really realized just how different I am and how different they all are. Being at that camp showed me that I've changed so much I have no idea who I am anymore. I don't fit in with those old friends, I can't relate to people the way I used to, and I felt disconnected and detached the whole time. What upset me the most is that these friends who I always thought would be there for me weren't, and just acted like nothing happened.

And that's something that's really been getting to me. People are just acting like nothing happened. My exchange in Spain was one of the most beautiful, painful, difficult, eye-opening experiences I've ever had in my life, and I feel like I have so much to say and so much to share but no one's really listening. It's just hard trying to accept that people have changed, and some of my friends who were always there for me aren't the friends I thought they were.

Other than some of that fun emotional stuff, I'm really enjoying being back home. It's so good to reconnect with people, especially the amazing ones who supported me along my whole journey. And it's so good to be back with my family...honestly I missed them so much. Once you have a year away from your family living with a terrible one you really start to understand just how much you love them.

I've been missing Spain, as well. I miss the language, and the places that I visited. I miss the old European architecture and the Spanish lifestyle. I miss my friends, especially my best friend Alex and my host sister Pilar. It's hard not to be with them and not be sure of the next time that I'll be seeing them. I just hope that I can see them soon!